After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this boner is exhausting
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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