I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
