Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
