so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
