he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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