Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
