my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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