Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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