I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the night ended with taco bell and tears
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
