No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
