New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
