dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
