i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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