my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
