Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
