mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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