And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i barfeds in our rink
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
