I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
