I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
