it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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