I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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