You smell like a Billy Joel song
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
