Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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