i was rollin on her like bob the builder
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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