i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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