So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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