You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
