Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
