I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
