So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As shirtless as possible
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
