yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
