my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
