Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
