Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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