I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm bleeding and have questions
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