Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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