K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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