I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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