In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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