:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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