New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
