Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
