You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
