So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
