I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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