Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
