but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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