Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
