maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
