She said her name was "party"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
