My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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