if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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