Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
