I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
