I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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