i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
