a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
