His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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