so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My pussy is not your playground.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
