im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
