That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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