I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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