no, he came in my armpit
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
