My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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