Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i will never coherently bang her
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
