i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
