Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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