and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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