i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
