just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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