if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
