Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
