The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
