Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
