Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I checked into jail on foursquare
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
