I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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